I Know Who I Am and Whose I Am

At 59 years old, I finally found words for something I had struggled to understand most of my life.

I have never been married. I have never been in a romantic relationship. I am still a virgin.

For years, I wondered what was wrong with me.

Why didn’t I feel the same desires that seemed so natural to everyone else? Why did I want love and companionship, yet have no interest in sex? Why did the thought of sexual intimacy feel uncomfortable, frightening, and unsafe?

I spent a long time thinking I was simply missing something.

Then I learned about a term called heteroromantic asexual.

A heteroromantic asexual person is someone who desires romantic love and emotional connection with the opposite sex but experiences little or no sexual attraction.

When I read that description, something inside me finally exhaled.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want love.

I wanted love deeply.

I wanted companionship.

I wanted someone to choose me and walk through life with me.

I wanted holding hands, conversations, shared memories, laughter, friendship, affection, and commitment.

What I did not want was sex.

Part of that comes from a lifetime of health challenges. Since childhood, my body has carried burdens that many people never see. Medical issues, physical discomfort, and concerns about my health made sex feel risky and unsafe. Over time, I realized that sex had never truly appealed to me anyway.

For a while, I wondered if this meant something was wrong with me spiritually.

As a woman of faith, I asked myself difficult questions.

Was I disappointing God?

Was I rejecting something He intended for me?

Was I somehow incomplete?

The answer that finally brought me peace was this:

God understands me completely.

He understands my health struggles.

He understands my fears.

He understands my desires.

He understands my boundaries.

He understands my longing to be loved.

Nothing about my life surprises Him.

Psalm 139 reminds us that God knows us fully. Before we understand ourselves, He already knows us. Before we find the words to describe our experiences, He understands our hearts.

That realization changed everything.

I stopped asking, “What’s wrong with me?”

Instead, I began asking, “Who am I?”

And the answer became clear.

I am a woman who desires love and companionship.

I am a woman who values emotional intimacy.

I am a woman who is not interested in sex.

I am a woman created by God, known by God, and loved by God.

For anyone reading this who feels different, confused, or alone, I want you to know something:

You are not a mistake.

You are not broken.

You are not forgotten.

Your story may not look like everyone else’s story.

Your journey may not follow society’s expectations.

But your worth is not measured by your relationship status, your sexual experiences, or your ability to fit into someone else’s definition of normal.

The greatest realization of my life has been this:

I know who I am, and I know whose I am.

And that knowledge has brought me peace.

With courage, confidence, and faith, remember:

Know who you are and whose you are.

Karen Y. McClain
CEO/Founder, Star Pupil Arts & Media Inc.
Star Pupil Publishing Department

📧 karen@starpupilartsmedia.com
📞 323-332-8896 (Office)